Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
