I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
