I met the friendliest cop last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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