Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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