Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
