Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
