I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
