It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
