Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
