I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
