I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
