Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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