I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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