She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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