i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
