2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
