nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
