i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
