my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
