Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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