My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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