I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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