If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
