We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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