And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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