things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
