I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
