On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't put those talents on a resume
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
