Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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