New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
