I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
