I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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