started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
