it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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