He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
