Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
