My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
