community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How does one acquire holy water?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
