Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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