dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
