Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
