I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
