can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
