hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
