She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
