What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
