It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
