she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
