You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
