and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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