found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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