this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
