can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
