a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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