Screwed.edu
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
