there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
